Making Progress

So I've had a pretty awesome day today. Events were pretty normal, well, as normal as finals week gets lol. This changed perspective on life has had far reaching effects. I can see everything so differently. I've broken out of my cage of pain and shame and it feels amazing!!! It feels so good to smile, really genuinely smile and laugh and not feel uncomfortable. I find myself happy for no apparent reason and thinking about all the good things in life. My heart bursts with love and thanks for what God has done in me. I'm also more active and healthy. With this new perspective and resolve I see myself as a beautiful creation of God who deserves to be healthy. My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and each day I find myself wanting more and more to take care of this temple. I've been spontaneous and joined my friends on trips to the library, walmart, the cafeteria, around campus (plenty of socializing and walking). I'm up and moving around so much more than I was just a few days ago. I also have an appetite again. I've gone for about a year without one. On a good day I might have gotten hungry for one meal. Now, I'm hungry when I'm supposed to be. Eating is not a chore anymore. I no longer dread meal times. I'm also eating healthier. Today I surprised myself by choosing not only healthy portions, but healthy food options in the cafe today. My plate for supper was a full half fruits and veggies! Another quarter was rice w/ carrot and pineapple (interesting mix, I know lol they try). The last quarter was sesame seed chicken. I'm stoked about this! I'm full of so much joy and hope for the future. It is just so amazing living without the shame of abuse constantly overshadowing me. I said it on this blog, it's out there now and no one so far has reacted with disgust towards me. I feel so empowered to live my life to the fullest I possibly can on this earth. This is such a stunning change in me I'm surprised I'm not outwardly glowing. The Bible talks about God filling your cup to overflowing. That's how I feel right now. I'm full of fierce joy, triumph, love, peace, and hope. My middle name is a hawaiian name, by doing some research a long time ago I found out that it means "blessed." Right now I truly feel blessed. I am literally so full of joy that I'm about to cry. The feeling is so wonderful and I wondered during the grueling years of suffering from abuse and then the hard years of healing from the abuse if I would ever feel this way again. God's timing is perfect. If I could have bypassed on the hard work of trying to heal and jumped straight to this feeling I wouldn't have done it. Now I have the joy and peace plus the understanding, strength, and courage it takes to survive and actively heal from sexual abuse and rape.

I know it's an awkward topic and I said it wouldn't be my only topic on this blog. I want to assure anyone reading this blog that I'm not afraid to talk about it and I'm open to questions. If someone reading this has a similar story or related story, or just needs someone to listen, I am more than happy to be there. I am only a comment or facebook message away. Even if your past has no trauma in it and you are just curious or want to talk, I'm completely open to it. The defeat of shame in my life has broken the chains that have held me in silence for so long. Now, thanks to God, I'm a force to be reckoned with. My strength and faith come from God. I know this because I could not have pulled myself out of the pit I was in. I am a classic case of divine intervention, and I'm proud of it!

You have been reading Simply Life by Faith

May you be blessed today

-Faith_inpresentdarkness